Part 1 – First Love: Chapter 1

He gave me butterflies that fluttered from my stomach to my heart.  It was like a roller coaster dropped me at lightning speed after climbing up a tall hill every time I heard his name, saw him smile, felt his embrace or his lips on mine.  It was too much for my senses to handle.  That was how I felt about Vincent Harold, my first high school boyfriend.  Nobody could tell me anything to convince me that we weren’t made for each other.  I never imagined things would turn out the way they did between us.

I wasn’t a “nobody” at school.  People knew I was Maya Clark “the artist”.  The go to for everyone’s artwork and design needs.  That was what set me apart from the rest.  While most guys considered me pretty, but I was no one’s heart throb.  Shy and reserved; I was like a back up to the prettiest girls in school.  I felt safest playing the background.  My focus was getting into the best art institute after graduation.  I used to think to myself; sure my smile is bright, my skin is smooth as butter, and my eyes were as striking as a cat’s…but there’s no way my 5 foot 5, slim frame, braces, and frizzy curls stood a chance on Vince’s radar.  So, it was even more of a surprise that he managed to lure me into a whirlwind romance in our senior year.

Vince was the opposite of me.  He could have any girl at school, or anywhere else quite honestly.  The way girls threw themselves at him made me even more reluctant to start a relationship with him.  6’1, clean cut, flawless brown skin, pretty teeth, and bedroom eyes…that caught everyone’s attention.  There was a certain edge about him too that hooked you.  He was obviously no stranger to the streets, but he was also serious about his business.  A key player on the basketball team, yet an honor roll student…rare.  He was perfect in my eyes, but there was zero tolerance for dating in our house.  My parents were very serious about preventing my sister and me from getting distracted by boys.  So Vince and I probably would have never ended up together if it wasn’t for that day.  A day I’ll never forget.

My friends and I piled into Joshua’s van after school, on a Tuesday to be exact.  My best friends had been the same since the 5th grade; Kennedi Brown, Brianna Lewis, and Joshua Evans.  I was also very close to my sister, Ruby, who is 1 year younger than me.  We sat in the parking lot with the windows down, waiting for the A/C to rescue us from the heat.  Joshua was shifting the gear into reverse when I saw Vince run out of the school doors.  My heart started pounding.  I had been hoping I’d get to see him one more time before we pulled off.  I wasn’t expecting him to be running toward the car yelling after us.

“Be cool girl!” Brianna squeezed my shoulder from the back seat as Vince approached my window.

He abruptly stopped at the van’s door, placing his hands in my window while he panted to catch his breath.  “What’s up man?!”  He reached over me to give Josh a pound.  “Hey! Maya right?!” He asked, but continued speaking before getting my response.  “Coach wants me to work with you on some flyers and stuff to put around the school for the pep rally.  I saw you about to pull off.  Can you come to the gym real quick so we can talk to him?”

I was literally caught in a daze.  He’d spoken to me before in passing, but this was the first time we were actually eye to eye.  I suddenly felt hotter than I did before.  I looked at Josh wide-eyed, at a loss for words.  Really, I was trying to say: “Will you wait for me?”, but no words left my mouth.

Joshua saw the look of desperation in my eyes, and understood without me saying it.  “Oh, yeah! Go ahead, it’s cool.  I’ll just go by the middle school and pick up the twins and then swing back around to get you?”  He half asked and half told me that he was going to get his brothers.

Vince opened my door to let me out.  I still hadn’t uttered a word, but I managed to swing my feet out of the van and step onto the pavement.  I heard Ruby, Brianna, and Kennedi giggling and being goofy about it in the back.  They knew how big of a deal this was for me, but I was hoping we hadn’t made that too obvious to Vince.

He closed the van’s door for me and turned to lead the way.  The usual after school commotion seemed to disappear from around us.  As if it was only us two.  The quiet between us growing more awkward with every step.  He slowed down for me to walk beside him, placing his hand on my back when I caught up.  Electricity shot through my spine.

“You do this every year, right?” He said as we walked down the hall toward the gym.

“Do what?” I asked, realizing immediately after how dumb my question was.

“The pep rally banners and stuff.”

“Oh, yep.  Every year.”  I tried to take Brianna’s advice and remain cool.

“You’re talented.  It always looks dope!”  He said casually.

“Thank You!” I blushed at the compliment.

He opened the gym door for me to enter.  Our eyes met, but I quickly darted mine away from his.  I couldn’t stand the intensity of it.  I walked straight back to Coach Levy’s office.

Coach explained why he wanted Vince and me to work together on the Pep Rally’s theme that year. It was to jump-start Vince’s project.  The project was designed to encourage at risk youth to play recreational sports with a goal of keeping them out of trouble, even if they weren’t able to play competitively.  It was all inspired by how sports helped Vince to stay off the streets.  I was intrigued.  Not only was he fine, but he was smart too.  Like I said before…rare.

“That sounds very interesting.”  I said sincerely after Coach Levy finished explaining what his expectations were for our collaboration.  I raised my brows in shock at how much thought he put into his idea as he continued to explain his vision to me.  I was impressed.

“If that makes sense! I hope it’s not too much.” He had misinterpreted my facial expression.

I interjected. “Oh no, no! Not at all! I think this is a very good idea! I’m happy to help!”  I smiled.

Vince looked relieved.

Coach Levy interrupted.  “Sounds good! You two work out your schedules.  I think everyone has made it for work outs today.  If you’ll excuse me.”  He made his way around his desk that took up most of the space in his tiny office.  He quietly exited, leaving the door open.

I could have died.  My heart wanted to leave my chest.  How was I in a room alone with Vincent Harold?  I couldn’t let the swirling sea of emotions I felt in that moment show.

“So, do you want to just exchange numbers?” Vince said casually, pulling his phone from the pocket of his basketball shorts.

“Sure.  Just text me now, so I can save your number.”  I couldn’t believe I worked up the nerve to speak a whole sentence to him, let alone give him instructions.  I recited my number to him.

“Bet.  I just texted you.”

Nervously, I scurried out of the office.  It seemed like I floated the rest of the way out of the gym and down the hallway to the school’s exit.  I was on a high that I had never felt before.  The rest was history.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 2

Vincent and I started talking on the phone strictly about the project.  As the days went by, our conversations started lasting later into the night and broadening in topic.  Next, we started texting throughout the day.  Before I knew it, we couldn’t leave each other without a hug.  Shortly after that, we found ourselves sneaking kisses after school while working on the project.  I couldn’t believe it was happening, but I also couldn’t think of anything else that made me happier.  Our connection came so naturally, and I felt so comfortable with him.

One day when we were finishing up our work, Vincent gave me a hug and kiss like he always did.  “Hey, how come I never get to see you outside of school?”  He asked, holding me by the hips.

“I told you a million times.  My parents would never let me go out with you.  They barely even want us working together after school hours.”  I hated I had to keep turning down his offers to spend more time together.  I wanted to see more of him as much as he wanted to see more of me.

“Look, Terrell is having a party this weekend.  Can’t you tell them you’re going out with Brianna and Kennedi or something?  I really want you to come.”  He looked at me with yearning eyes that just about set my soul on fire.

I was positive it wouldn’t work.  My parents didn’t even let Ruby and I go out with our friends much on weekends.  We were supposed to be having “family time”.  The only time I got to see them was if they came over to my house.  There was no way in hell they were letting Vince come to visit.

“I’ll try.”  I said, staring up at him.

“Ok.  Call me when you get home.”  He leaned down for another kiss.

People didn’t understand how strict my parents were.  It seemed everyone else at school pretty much did whatever they wanted.  It was a wonder that I was even able to keep the friends I had all these years with the very limited access my parents allowed me to have to them.  They really thought they were helping me to focus on my studies, and I had never really given them much push back about it.  Now, I was falling in love with a boy.  I wanted nothing more than to spend extra time with him.  I hated our interactions were limited to phone conversations and school.  I had to do something.  Out of all the girls that would be at the party, Vince wanted me to be there.  I didn’t want to lose him because I was on lock down.  So, I came up with a plan.

Brianna and Kennedi went to everyone’s events.  They were more popular than I was.  Both were on the cheer team and looked like they could be sisters.  They were both about 5’7, lighter skinned, with long dark hair.  People used to tease them for being tall and lanky, but that was all changing now that they were filling out in the right places.  They were already planning to go to Terrell’s party, so I just had to convince my parents to let me stay over at one of their houses.  Most likely, they would allow me to stay at Kennedi’s before Brianna’s since they were more familiar with her parents.  I just had to make sure her parents didn’t mention the party to my parents when they called them.  Oh yes, they were going to call her parents.  They always had to make sure my story checked out with where I said I would be before they would even consider letting me go anywhere with my friends.  The runaround they gave me every time I wanted to go somewhere, and the lies I had to come up with to get away with it, was honestly exhausting.  Most times, I didn’t even ask.  I just settled for texts and social media updates from everyone to see how much fun my friends were out having without me.  It never seemed that bad until I started I would see a post from Vince or catch him in the background of photos at the outings I wasn’t allowed to attend.  When you’re young and experiencing what seems to be love for the first time, you start doing a lot of things you wouldn’t normally do…but I believed Vince was worth the risk.

So it was settled, after talking to Kennedi.  We were going to tell my parents that we were staying over at her house, which would be true…after the party.  We would tell Kennedi’s parents that we were going to see a movie and grab something to eat, while we would really be at the party.  This way when my parents asked the Brown’s what was planned for my visit, they would know that we wouldn’t be at the house the whole time.

“Don’t be out too long.  Make sure the movie starts no later than 8:00.  I want you back at the house no later than 11:00.”  My mom rattled off to me as we sat in the car in front of Kennedi’s house.

“I know Mom.  I heard you the first 5 times you told me.”  I mumbled while gathering my things to get out of the car.

“I’m not playing Maya.  I will be calling the house at 11 to make sure you made it back here.  Text me and tell me what theatre and what showing you’ll be at.”  She said sternly.

I stood in the car door, stooping down to look at her.  “Yes, I will.  Bye Mom.”  I closed the car door and walked up to Kennedi’s door, where she already stood waiting to let me in.  I was so annoyed that I was being treated like a 5 year old, instead of the 17 year old I was.  I was almost an adult, I had never been so bothered by it until now.

We had already planned to call and let Kennedi’s parents know that we were on the way by 11, so they could tell my parents when they called to check.  We already knew we would be getting back well after that.  As for the theatre and movie time, I already had that picked out and ready to send to my mom as well.  You become pretty crafty when you’re a sheltered child.  I found myself being jealous of my friends that were able to be open with their parents about their plans.  I also felt bad that I always had to entangle them in my web of lies.

Brianna arrived at Kennedi’s house shortly after me.  We all got dressed for the party and waited on Josh to come and pick us up.

“I’m so nervous y’all.”  I confessed to my friends.

“Remember, just be cool.”  Brianna told me.

“What’s there to be nervous about?  You and Vince are about to be so cute tonight.”  Kennedi teased me.

I blushed at the thought of it.  “He’s been texting me all day making sure I’m still coming.  I can’t wait to see him.”

“Awww!”  Kennedi and Brianna said in unison.

“This is so weird, me being on this side of things.  Usually it’s me living through one of your relationships.”  I realized this was the first time I was really involved with someone.

“Someone’s going to lose their virginity.”  Kennedi continued teasing me.

My eyes bucked out of my head.  “Nope.  We’re not even there yet.”

“Well, have y’all talked about it yet?”  Brianna asked.

“I mean, it’s only been like a month.  We haven’t even really made it official.  We’ve just been getting to know each other.”  I tried to take some pressure off of the situation.

“Well it’s bound to come up.  I would be careful if I was you.  Vince has never had anything long-term.”  Kennedi warned.

“That’s true.  But, I heard it’s big and he knows how to use it!”  Brianna blurted out while laughing.

Kennedi joined her in laughter.  Meanwhile, I was scared to death.  Both of them were already having sex with their boyfriends.  Of course I thought about it, but I wasn’t expecting it to happen any time soon.  They had me worried that Vince had other plans.  Maybe that was all he really wanted from me in the first place.  That was what my Mom and Dad always told me about getting involved with boys at my age.  According to them, they were like “dogs in heat”, and they would do anything to get into my pants.  Brianna and Kennedi made me even more nervous than I already was.

My thoughts were interrupted by the sound of Josh blowing the horn for us to come outside.  Darius and Jackson, who Kennedi and Brianna were dating, were in the backseat.  So, of course I climbed in the front with Josh.  I was surprised he didn’t have a girl with him, but knowing him, he probably would by the end of the night.  A lot of girls liked Joshua.  He was on the football team, and one of the funniest people you could ever meet.  He had the glowing dark chocolate skin and perfect smile that all the girls loved.  It was random how he became a part of our crew.  He didn’t always look how he does now.  He was the skinny, knock kneed, ashy boy everybody used to make fun of in the 5^th grade.  He had a big crush on us back then, and he would walk home from school with us every day making us laugh until we cried.  None of us were interested in him in that way, but we all clicked and have been friends ever since.  Ruby was the one who had a huge crush on him, but no one knew that but me.

We hadn’t made it out of the drive way yet before both couples were tonguing each other down in the backseat.  I looked back at them for a second, and then back at Josh in pure terror.  Vince and I were only giving each other pecks on the lips every day.  I was nowhere near that experienced.  I was really worried about how tonight would go.

“Freaks!” Josh yelled back at them as he looked in the rear-view mirror.  “Damn, at least wait until we get there!”  He rolled his eyes.

Darius playfully kicked the back of Josh’s seat without missing a beat with Kennedi.

Josh and I had a way of knowing what was on each other’s minds without having to say it.  He just gave me a reassuring smile and turned up the music.

When we finally made it to the party, there were a few people standing outside on Terrell’s porch.  You could see plenty of silhouettes through his window of people that were already inside.  I took a deep breath and followed my friends into the house.  There was music playing and people were sitting around laughing and talking.  It didn’t seem like it would be so bad after all.  I recognized most of the faces and the vibe seemed chill for the most part.  Terrell spotted us coming in from the kitchen where he was conversing with 3 girls.

“What’s up?!”  He walked up to the guys, dapping them one at a time.  Then he hugged Kennedi and Brianna and paused when he made it to me.  “I can’t believe y’all got Maya out the house!  That’s crazy!” He laughed before pulling me in for an awkward hug.

I laughed nervously.  I knew people were going to have something to say about me being out.  I scanned the room for Vince.  My heart skipped a beat when I spotted him walking through the front door.  I was immediately blushing, but he hadn’t noticed me yet.  I watched as he made his rounds, greeting everyone in the room.  He was getting closer to us when Melody Jones blocked his path.  Most of the boys at school were after her, but everyone knew she was after Vince.  An automatic annoyance set into my chest as she wrapped her arms around his neck to pull him into a hug.

Brianna followed my gaze after she finished chatting with Terrell.  “I can’t stand her.”  She said, voicing my exact opinion of Melody.

Kennedi joined us now.  “Girl, don’t just stand there.  Go over there and get your man.”  She pushed me in their direction.  I was able to catch my step just before bumping into Melody’s back.  I gave Kennedi a pleading look.  She was the firecracker.  Me on the other hand, I didn’t deal well with confrontation and I wasn’t trying to cause a scene.

“I’ve been waiting for you.” I heard Melody say to Vince, now that I was in earshot of them.  My back was still turned to them.  I stood at a safe distance and listened.

“Is that right?”  Vince asked her, sounding uninterested.

“You already know.”  Melody told him in her best seductive tone.

Kennedi was still motioning for me to interrupt them.  Brianna just watched with her arms crossed.

I took a deep breath and turned to step around Melody.  I tapped Vince on the shoulder.  Melody seemed adamant about keeping her arms wrapped around his neck.

Vince’s face lit up when he saw me.  “You actually made it.”  He smiled and broke free from Melody to wrap me in his arms.

Melody stood looking at us with a venomous rage.  “Oh, hey Mia.”  She said dryly, purposely mispronouncing my name.

I rolled my eyes.  Vince could feel the tension building.  “Good seeing you Mel.  Let me catch up with Maya real quick.”  He pulled me by the hand to an empty space on the couch, leaving Melody where she stood.

I felt like the luckiest girl in the world at that moment.  He just blew off one of the prettiest girls at school for me.  He really did like me.

He put his arm around me when we sat down on the couch.  “I just knew I was gonna get a text from you saying you couldn’t make it for some reason.”  He teased me.

“Why?  I told you I was coming.”  I said bashfully.

“I know.  I’ve just been trying for so long, I was starting to think it would never happen.”

“Well, I’m here now.  So now what?”  I challenged him.

“Now, we find somewhere away from all these people where we can talk.”  He got up and stretched his hand out to me.

I liked the idea.  I was excited about getting some alone time with him.  Kennedi and Brianna smiled with approval as they watched me follow Vince upstairs.  That got me thinking about what we were talking about earlier.  Hopefully, Vince wasn’t expecting this to go further than I intended for it to go.

We found an empty room upstairs that appeared to be an office.  It was occupied by just a small couch, a bookcase, and a desk with a computer and lamp on it.  Vince walked over to the desk and switched on the lamp.  It cast a dim light in the room.  There was definitely an energy between us that I couldn’t explain.  I was so attracted to him.  I just wanted to jump on him.  At the same time, I was so nervous I couldn’t bring myself to put one foot in front of the other to take a seat on the couch.  Vince took my hand and guided me to sit down before sitting beside me.  Again, he put his arm around my shoulders as I tried to relax.

“I’m glad we’re getting to have some time alone with each other.” He said resting his head on mine.

I sank into his chest.  He made me feel so comfortable with him.  “Me too.  Can I ask you something?”  I couldn’t contain my curiosity any longer.  I had to know.  “Why do you like me?”

Vince sat up straight as I turned to look at him.  “What do you mean?”

“I mean…I’m not the type you usually go for.  What attracted you to me?”  I got straight to the point.

“To be honest, you’re just different.  I feel like I connect with you on a level that’s more than physical.  You’re smart and you know what you want for your future.  You’re talented and you come from a good family.  I guess you’re sort of a mystery to me.  Plus, you’re beautiful.”

I looked him in his eyes as he spoke.  My heart melted from the warmth that washed over me.  I couldn’t help but smile and believe that he was being sincere.

“That too.”  He said after a moment of silence.

“What?”

“That smile.”  He smiled back at me, and leaned in for a kiss.

When our lips touched, chills shot through my body.  Next, our tongues met.  Then, Vince started to let his hands roam over my body to places that had never been touched.  I immediately pulled back.

I placed my hands on Vince’s chest and moved over a bit.  “We have to take it slow.”  I told him after managing to catch my breath.

“I’m in no rush.”  He took my hand in his.

We just sat there on the couch talking and laughing for the rest of the night about everything and nothing.  It seemed like one of the best nights of my life.  We knew without saying that we were an item after that.  It felt like I was on a cloud with him from that moment forward.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 3

It was no secret around school that Vince and I were together now.  When Vince gave me one of his jerseys to wear to the Pep Rally that really made it official.  A lot of girls weren’t happy about us, but there was nothing anyone could do to ruin my mood when it came to him.  I was crazy about him, and he felt the same way about me.  My friends were all happy for me and my parents hadn’t suspected anything.  Unfortunately, they did find out about the party that night.  I wasn’t seeing much of Vince outside of school, but we found our ways between classes and after school to spend time together.  Our chemistry was so strong, there wasn’t anything or anybody that could keep us away from each other.  You didn’t see one of us without the other anymore.

Finally, it was homecoming night.  For the first time, I was excited about it, and didn’t feel like I was just there to do my usual decorating.  As far as my parents were concerned though, that was the only reason I was allowed to go.  Ruby was thankful that since they didn’t want me there alone, she was allowed to accompany me.  Usually I didn’t even dress up.  I told them that everyone on the design committee was dressing up this year, and I would be out of place if I didn’t.  Besides, it was my senior year.  So, they gave in and let me buy the dress I wanted.

I felt so pretty with my curls pinned up and a little make up on.  I couldn’t wait for Vince to see me.  My dad was less than pleased with how “grown up” I looked.  According to him, I was going to have to fight the boys off of me all night.  I felt more confident than ever had before.

My parents dropped us off at the dance and I couldn’t wait to get out of the car.  Ruby followed behind me as we walked into the gym.  Everyone was eyeing me like they had never seen me before.  A few guys called my name out, a few whistled, girls whispered to each other.  I wasn’t used to all of this attention.  We spotted Kennedi and Brianna standing on the other side of the gym and walked over to them.

“Damn! Is that my friend?”  Brianna raised my hand to twirl me around and get a 360 degree view of me.

“You look so good!”  Kennedi agreed.

“Well, I guess I’m just not here tonight.”  Ruby was feeling left out from all the attention I was getting.

“We’re used to you getting glammed up.  You know Maya doesn’t usually put any effort into her appearance.”  Kennedi reassured Ruby.

“Ouch!  That hurt a little bit.”  I joked like I was offended, but I knew what they meant.  I was the chill girl.  I never did much with my hair.  I didn’t carry purses.  I never wore make up.  I was all about comfort.  The only thing I really cared about was Vince having the same reaction that they did when he saw me.

I skimmed the room for him, but he was nowhere in sight.

We sat down on some chairs lined up along the wall, drinking punch and listening to music.

“Where’s Josh?”  Ruby asked.

I hadn’t even thought about it until she asked.  I was too busy waiting for Vince to make an entrance.

“He said he would be getting here late when I talked to him earlier.”  Brianna told her.

Ruby looked a little disappointed, before nonchalantly shrugging it off.

“I’m not with Darius anymore!”  Kennedi suddenly blurted out.

“What? What happened?”  I asked.  I was genuinely shocked.  Those two had been inseparable since last year.

“Yeah Kennedi.  Why don’t you tell us what happened?”  Brianna asked sarcastically.  She clearly already knew the story.

“He found out that I’ve been texting Brandon.”  She looked down at her shoes as she confessed.

Kennedi and Brianna had both become hot commodities at school.  While Brianna was able to ignore it for her boyfriend Jackson, it seemed to be harder for Kennedi to resist flirting back with the many boys that were after her.

She continued to explain.  “It was time for us to break up anyway.  Darius was too clingy.  He acts like I have to be up under him all the time.  That was getting annoying.  I want to be single.”  She said confidently.

“Well, hey! I guess it worked out.”  I followed Kennedi’s gaze to where Darius was on the dancefloor with another girl.  She was clearly jealous, but tried to make light of the situation.

“Oh, look who just walked in Maya.”  Ruby interrupted before I could comment on Kennedi.

I looked toward the entrance and my heart fell into my stomach as soon as I saw his face.  He looked so handsome with his fresh outfit and clean cut.  I didn’t want to look too eager, so I remained seated and waited for him to approach me.  He was making his way through the crowd, commanding attention like he always did.  I couldn’t keep my eyes from following him wherever he went.  I saw him walk up to Terrell and talk a minute before Terrell turned and pointed to where I was sitting.  Vince must have asked if he had seen me.  I smiled when we locked eyes and he headed towards me.

He took my hand and pulled me up to hug him.  Just the smell of him intoxicated me as I wrapped my arms around his neck and he squeezed me tight.

“Wow Maya!”  He looked me up and down with a hunger in his eyes before planting a kiss on my lips.

“Wow to you too.”  I smirked.  I was pleased with his reaction.

“Gross.” Brianna joked with us.

I forgot they were even there.

“Right.  Get a room.”  Kennedi chimed in.

We just laughed before leaving them seated to go and dance.  I was having the best time with him.  It was like no one else was in the room.  Time was flying.  Eventually one of the teachers went to the podium to announce the homecoming court winners.

“And now, for the moment you’ve all been waiting for!”  Ms. Meyers said, after announcing the 9^th, 10^th, and 11^th grade winners.  “This year’s homecoming king and queen are…”  She paused for dramatic effect.  “Vincent Harold and Melody Jones!!”

Everyone cheered.  I was happy for Vince and all, but it was eating me up inside that he had to share a dance with Melody.  I watched as they went up to claim their crowns.  I just knew this was making Melody’s night.

“Let’s clear the floor now, for our winners to share their victory dance.”  I reluctantly followed everyone else to the sidelines as instructed.  I had never felt more jealous in my life.  I took a seat alone on the wall and rested my chin in the palm of my hand as the song began to play over the speakers.

I jumped when I felt a tap on my shoulder after the first verse of the song.  I was shocked to see it was Vince that had tapped me.  He reached for my hand.

“What are you doing?  Don’t you have to finish your dance?”  I asked him with confusion all over my face.

He waved it off.  “I don’t care about that.  Come with me.”

I took his hand and followed him out of the gym into the parking lot.  “Where are we going?  I can’t leave.  My parents are gonna be here in a little while to pick us up.”

“I know.  I just need some time with you.”  He took keys from his pocket that disarmed and unlocked a black truck parked in the back of the parking lot.

I hopped into the backseat as he held the door open for me.  He climbed in behind me.  The chemistry between us was magnetizing.  We immediately started kissing and touching every part of each other.  I pulled away out of habit and nervousness.

“What’s wrong?”  He asked, moving back in closer to me.

“I don’t know.  I’m just scared I guess.”  I told him honestly.

“What’s there to be scared of?  We love each other, and we’re just expressing it.”  He tried to kiss me again.

I was stunned by his words.  We had never said we loved each other before.  The feelings that I felt for Vince were definitely unlike anything I had ever felt for anyone else.  They were so new and consuming, I didn’t really know what to call it.  Now that he had called it love, I felt vulnerable.

“You love me?”  I asked before he could land the kiss.

“Yes.”  He told me while he looked me in my eyes.

I just stared at him awhile.  Every emotion in me seemed to be spilling out.  Who ever thought I would be hearing those words come from my long-time crush’s mouth?  I gently grabbed the back of his neck before kissing him.  “I love you too.”  It felt right when I said it.  All my doubts and inhibitions were gone in the moment.  He could have whatever he wanted from me.

Our kisses got more passionate by the second.  Next, he was undressing me.  Like second nature, I undressed him too.  He pulled my panties to the side and pressed his middle finger inside of me while he kissed my neck.  I gasped for air.  I felt him grow and harden against my thighs.  I reached down to release him from his boxers.  He reached down into the pocket of his pants to get a condom.  It was obvious he wasn’t new to this.  He unwrapped it and slid it on with ease before he patiently maneuvered his way into me.  I winced in pain, but encouraged him to continue.  A tear escaped my eyes when I felt my hymen break and my innocence leave along with it.  I couldn’t believe it was happening, but I was glad it was happening with Vince.

Less than 3 minutes later, Vince thrust one last time before he climaxed and collapsed on top of me.  He kissed my forehead while we panted.

“You ok?”  He asked me.

“I’m fine.”  I assured him, gazing into his eyes.

“I love you.”  It meant even more when he said it that time.  It was like he was letting me know that he meant it and wasn’t just saying it to get what he wanted.

“I love you too.”  I was certain I did.

We dressed ourselves the best we could from the back of the truck.  I fixed my hair and we headed back into the gym.  I knew my parents would be there any minute to pick up Ruby and I.  I ran to the bathroom to clean myself up before I let anyone see me.  My friends spotted me seconds after I stepped back into the dance.

“Girl, where the hell have you been?  We were looking all over for you.”  Ruby said, looking worried.

“You didn’t get my text?”  Josh asked.

“I’m fine guys.  I stepped out with Vince for a second.”  I tried to say it as casually as possible.

Kennedi squinted her eyes with suspicion.  “What were y’all doing?”

“Mhm.  Ya’ll nasty.”  Brianna said through a fake cough.

With perfect timing, the DJ announced that he was about to spin the last song of the night.  I diverted the third degree they were giving me and pretended like it was my favorite song of all time and convinced them we should all go dance.  I danced with my friends, but my mind was on one thing and one thing only.

 

–

–

–

Chapter 4

Vince and I were still going strong.  He had flipped a switch in me that revealed a side I didn’t even know was there.  A side that I only showed to him.  I had an insatiable craving for him all the time.  It was still impossible for us to see each other outside of school, so we got really creative with where we hooked up.  In the janitor’s closets, in the car when Vince was able to drive, and pretty much anywhere else we could be alone and not get caught.  I was head over heels and felt like Vince had really become my best friend.  Then, the dreadful winter break came and I knew we had to spend some time apart.  I had never been more depressed about a break from school.  We had agreed to talk every day, but that wasn’t going to be enough.

“Bye baby.”  Vince pulled me into a warm embrace and kissed me that last day of school.

“Bye.  I’m going to miss you so much.”  I pouted before kissing him again.

“I know.  Hopefully we can figure something out.  I’m going to call you every day though.  I promise.”  He laced his fingers in mine.

“Ok.  I love you.”  I told him before exiting the building to get in the van with Josh.

“I love you too.” He waved goodbye.

I climbed into the van looking like I was on the way to a funeral.

“You two are sickening.”  Kennedi said from the backseat.

“Don’t start with me.  I’m going to miss my baby.”  I told her half-jokingly.

“Aww, poor baby.”  Josh ran his fingers from his eyes to his chin like tears.

Everyone laughed.  I couldn’t help but laugh too.  “Ok, I get it.  I’ll stop obsessing.”

“Thank You!”  Ruby and Brianna said in unison.

They continued laughing at my expense.  I knew I was being ridiculous in a sense, but I was really sad that I had to go weeks without seeing him.  When I thought about it, I had been talking all of their ears off about him forever.  I was going to try to repress my feelings a little for their sakes.

The first couple of days weren’t so hard.  Vince and I were texting all day from the time we woke up to the time we went to sleep.  Then the calls started to get shorter and more and more time passed between texts.  I was letting my emotions get the best of me.  It was the holiday season though, so I just assumed he was busy with his family and stuff.  If there was any time of year that I absolutely couldn’t sneak out, it was now.  My parents were very serious about family activities during the holidays.

As the break rolled on, communication with Vince became minimal.  It was starting to worry me.  Was this break driving a wedge between us?  When I would call him, he would rush off of the phone.  He was sending me one word responses to my texts, and just acting all around weird.  I tried not to drown Ruby in my sorrows about Vince, but she was the only one around that I could talk to about it.

“What do you think?”  I asked her after explaining the situation.

“I don’t know.  Maybe it’s nothing to worry about.  He’s probably just busy with holiday stuff like you said.

“Yeah, but I didn’t even get a Merry Christmas out of him yesterday.  This is weird.  Everything was good before school let out.  I just don’t get it.”  My mind was frantically playing different scenarios of what Vince could possibly be doing, and trying to figure out the reasons why he was suddenly being distant from me.  It was really starting to get to me.  I wished I could see him.

I went back up to my room after barely eating breakfast with my family and saw that I had a missed call and text from Vince.  My mood automatically improved from where it had been all week.  I smiled as I unlocked my phone to read the message.

Maya, I don’t know an easy way to tell you this.  I’m sorry, but I’m breaking up with you.  I thought I really loved you, but I guess it was just puppy love that faded away.  It’s over.

Just like that, the little jump in my mood was shot down to a record breaking low.  I was hurt, confused, angry, and embarrassed all at once.  I just sat glaring at the phone through tear-filled eyes.  Why was he doing this to me?  It didn’t make any sense.  The same way nobody had ever made me feel as high as Vince did, no one had ever made me feel as low as I did that day.  I got up, slammed my door, and fell face down on my bed sobbing.

Ruby must have heard me from her room.  She knocked on the door before popping her head in cautiously.

“What’s wrong Maya?”  She asked when she saw that I was crying my eyes out.

I sat up, scrolled to the message and handed her the phone.

Her facial expression said it all.  She was just as taken aback as I was.  “What the hell is wrong with this nigga?  Where is this coming from?”

“I have no idea.  Do I even respond?”  I hadn’t even considered responding from the initial pain I felt when I read it.

“I’ll respond.”  Ruby got up from the bed and started typing.

“What are you saying?”  I stood up, trying to get a glimpse of what she was texting to him.

“It’s sent.”  She said, handing the phone back to me.

I looked at the screen to find that she had simply replied with, “Fuck you.”

I just shrugged at her before slamming the phone face down on the bed.  She came over and sat beside me, rubbing my shoulders as I buried my face in my pillow and let the tears flow.

“It’s gonna be ok sis.  He’s going to have to explain sooner or later.”

I cried myself to sleep and didn’t have any plans of leaving my room for the rest of that day.  I took a screenshot of the message he sent me and sent it to my group message with Josh, Kennedi, and Brianna.  Within seconds, they were responding with back to back messages containing confused emojis and question marks.

Brianna: Are you ok?

Josh: What? That nigga trippin… You want me to talk to him?

Kennedi: Just…wow.

Me: I’ll be ok I guess.  I’m just confused.  No need to talk to him.  I just had to tell you.

Brianna: Call me if you need me.

Josh: Yeah, you know I got you.

Me: Thanks guys.  I’ll call later.

Winter break came and went, and it was time to go back to school.  It was funny how I dreaded leaving for the break and now I was dreading having to go back.  This would be the first time I would see Vince since he dumped me via text.  I didn’t even want to think about the girls that I would have to watch chase after him again.  I couldn’t let him know I was as bothered as I was.  So, I made sure I at least looked good for my return.

It seemed a lot of guys were giving me attention that weren’t before since they knew Vince and I had broken up.  I wasn’t the least bit interested in them.  Even though he hurt me bad, of course I wasn’t over him yet.  I still felt open and exposed by it, and like I was owed some closure.

That day at lunch, Ruby and Brianna shuffled me off to the ladies room as soon as they saw me step foot into the cafeteria.

“We have to talk to you.  It’s important.”  Brianna said, as she and Ruby each took an arm to drag me by.

“What?  What’s going on?”

Ruby checked to make sure the bathroom was empty and then placed a chair in front of the door to make sure nobody entered behind us.  They were really getting me paranoid about whatever it was they had to tell me.

“Ok.  Y’all are scaring me.”  I looked back and forth at each of their eerily serious faces.

“Maya, we have something really messed up to tell you.”  Brianna started, before looking at Ruby to pick up where she left off.

“Sis, I really don’t know what’s the best way to tell you this.  So, I’m just going to come right out and say it.”  She swallowed hard and looked at Brianna before she finally spit it out.  “Kennedi and Vince had sex.”

I leaned up against a wall and involuntarily slid to the floor as my legs suddenly lost the strength to hold me up.  It felt like a ton of bricks had just fallen on my already broken heart.  Tears welled up in my eyes as I let it sink in.

“How do you know?”  I could barely get it out.

Ruby and Brianna squatted down on either side of me.  “Please don’t be mad at me.”  Brianna pleaded.

“You knew?”  My pain was quickly turning into anger.

“No, I didn’t know for sure.  I went over to Kennedi’s house one day during Thanksgiving break and Vince was leaving out when I got there.  When I asked her about it, she denied that anything was going on.”

“How could you not tell me something like that?”  At this point, I was ready to full on fight both of my so-called “best friends”.

“I’m sorry.  I pressed her about it and she promised me that nothing happened.  When you sent us the text he sent you, I just knew it had something to do with that.  I asked her about it again, and she finally came clean.  I just didn’t want to bring it to you and I didn’t have any real proof.”  She was on the brink of tears herself as she plead her case.

“Wow Bri! Fucking Thanksgiving?! That was months ago!”  I regained some strength in my legs and stood over her.  “So, everybody knew all that time that something was going on?  You bitches just smiled in my face and watched me be crazy over him!”  I felt so betrayed and infuriated.

She was crying now, but couldn’t find a word to say in her own defense.

Ruby ran after me as I pushed through the bathroom doors and ran out of the school.  I didn’t know where I was going, but I had to get out of there.  Now I knew why Kennedi and Vince didn’t show up to school that day.  I felt capable of murdering them both.  I just didn’t understand how 2 people I loved so much could cut me that deep.

Ruby caught up to me and turned me to face her.  As soon as I looked in her eyes, I just broke down.  She held me and guided me back into the school.  She told all the teachers who asked that we were having a family crisis, so they allowed us to sit in the cafeteria for the rest of the day.  We had a reputation for being good students, so I’m sure that was why they allowed us to get away with it.  I was thankful.  I knew I couldn’t face the rest of the school day, and I definitely couldn’t go home and talk to my parents about it.  I was sure they would have a lot of “I told you so’s” about me having a boyfriend in the first place.  I wished I could go to my mom to console me through my first heartbreak and to get some real mature advice, but I would have to figure this one out on my own.  I didn’t know what I was going to do.

 

Part 2 – No Titles: Chapter 1

             For weeks, months even, I couldn’t eat or sleep well.  Every time an image of Vince and Kennedi would show up in my head, or I would have a flashback of Brianna and Ruby telling me that day in the bathroom, I would get physically sick to my stomach.  Vince tried contacting me a few times after I found out, but I could barely even look at his face.  I did everything in my power to avoid him and Kennedi.  I hated that there was even a part of me that still cared for them at all.

At some point, I wanted to hear them out.  I wanted to know what they could possibly have to say for themselves.  There didn’t seem to be any explanation that would have sufficed.  So, for the rest of that school year, I buried my head in my school work, art, and college applications.  I couldn’t wait to graduate, so I wouldn’t have to see them every day.  It was easier to avoid contact with Vince than it was with Kennedi.  A few months in, Brianna and Josh were talking to her again.  They tried to get me to talk it out with her, but I could never look at her the same.

Other guys showed interest in pursuing me, but my trust had been broken.  I was tempted to entertain some of them just to make Vince jealous, but I honestly felt like I would never feel for anyone the way I felt for him.  The old and naïve me was gone.  I couldn’t see myself ever blindly putting my trust into a guy, or even a friend like that again.  They didn’t know it, but they changed how I approached every relationship from that day forward.

“Maya!!” My mom shouted up to me from downstairs.

I put my paint brush in a tin can next to my canvas, and ran downstairs to see what she wanted.

I found her standing at the island in our kitchen.  “Yes mom. What is it?”

Without responding, she held up an envelope.

My palms immediately started sweating and my heartbeat picked up its pace.  “Is that what I think it is?” I unintentionally snatched the envelope from her hands.

She was too excited to notice.  “Open it! Open it!” She urged me while eagerly clapping her hands.

I took a deep breath before ripping the envelope’s seal.  I was so nervous.  This was it.  The moment I had been waiting for and working toward since I could remember.  I slid the letter out of the envelope and read aloud.

Dear Maya Clark,

Congratulations! (I nearly fainted after reading just that one word.)  You have been accepted for admission into The Art Institute University! It is also with great pleasure that we reward your exemplary academic performance with our Future of the Arts scholarship…

I couldn’t even continue reading as my mouth dropped wide open and my eyes welled up with tears of joy and disbelief.  This news was enough to make up for all the terrible things I had gone through this year.  I was getting a full ride scholarship to the school of my dreams and the one in a million chance to exhibit my work in a gallery with a grant of over $100,000.  It had only been given to 2 freshmen before me.  It was usually reserved for upper classmen.

My mom, who was now shedding tears of her own, stood over my shoulder to pick up reading where I had left off.

“…and Exhibition Grant. 

Please contact our Admissions and Registration Office to confirm your receipt of this letter and acceptance of this award.  We are looking forward to seeing you this fall!”

She hugged me tight and told me how proud she was of me.  “Let me go get the phone so we can tell your father!”  She ran pass Ruby, who had just come down to the kitchen after hearing all of our commotion.

I caught Ruby up on what was going on and she may have cried even harder than mom and I did.  We video called my Dad, and he couldn’t stop telling everyone in his office mid conversation.  They were all so proud of me.  It was the best feeling.  All those years of lock-down had paid off.  I thought about how distracted I would have been if things didn’t end the way they did with Vince and I.  Everything happens for a reason I guess.

 

Chapter 2

            After graduation, I was finally able to focus on my exhibit.  It felt surreal having that huge check deposited into my account.  The pressure I felt to spend it exclusively on what it was given to me for was the real challenge.  However, I was so excited to be able to get all the resources I needed to manifest the art exhibit of my dreams.  The catch was that 90% of the proceeds I received from my work at the exhibit had to be donated to the university.  I only got to keep 10%.  The exposure for me however, would be life changing.  I couldn’t drop the ball on this.  So much was on the line, and all eyes were on me.  Luckily, I worked well under pressure.  I wanted everyone to know I could do this.

My first day on campus, I met with the Dean and my student advisor.  I was in awe of the work space they showed me.  I could already see myself pulling plenty of all-nighters in this studio.  I still felt like I was dreaming.  I wasn’t sure why I was so blessed.  They left me to the studio for my first day of work, and I didn’t waste a second getting to it.  I started by organizing all of my canvases, brushes, paints, digital editing equipment, and everything else I needed just the way I wanted them.

As I walked around looking satisfied at what I had done with the place, I was interrupted by a tap at the door.  I jumped out of my thoughts to turn in the direction of the noise.  I was surprised to see Isreal James standing on the other side of the glass door.  I slid it open to let him in.  Isreal went to high school with me.  I had no idea he was attending AIU as well.

“Israel? What are you doing here?” I asked with genuine shock.

“I’m taking classes this summer semester.” He said with a grin.  “You’re like a star around here.  It was hard to get to you and tell you during the school year.”

I blushed.  “I guess I can see how I may have come across as unreachable these past few months.” I played into his compliment.  “So, you didn’t want to take a summer vacation?”

“Nah.  It was a part of my admission stipulations to start in the summer.  I have some classes I have to take to be on track for the fall.” He looked down when he spoke as if he was embarrassed about not being as great of a student as me.

I had never really had a conversation with Israel.  We knew of each other from a mutual art class we had, but that was it.  He didn’t come to the school until our senior year, and I was all about Vince, until what I now refer to as the incident happened.  After that, I was all about my books and art all the time.  I didn’t have the time to notice how handsome he was.  He was about 5’10, with a muscular build, a naturally tanned complexion, and big hazel eyes.  Was this attraction I was feeling?  I wasn’t sure that side of me still existed after the heartbreak I felt from last year.

“Anyway.” Israel continued, now giving me eye contact. “I know you have a lot going on this summer with your exhibit and everything, but if you ever have some free time we should link.  It’s good we sort of know each other at this new school.”

“Yeah, that would be cool.  I’m going to have to come up for air at some point.” I half joked with him. “You follow me on any socials?”  I was trying to suggest a casual way for us to keep in touch.

“Yea, you don’t follow me back though.” He said smiling.

I smiled back, a little embarrassed.  “Oh, sorry.  I’ll do that right now.” I took my phone from the pocket of my jeans and opened my social to find his profile.  “Israel…James…?”  I said aloud while typing his name in my search bar. “Ok, got it.”  I tapped the follow button on his profile.

His phone buzzed instantly in his pocket. He took it out to confirm he received the notification of my follow. “Alright, cool.  I’ll be in touch.”  He waved goodbye as he turned to leave the studio.

“Wait…” I said without really even thinking about it.

He turned to face me.

“Actually, what are you about to do right now? Do you want to go to the café and get something to eat?” I was starving, and I didn’t really want to go for the first time alone.

“I was on my way there. Let’s go.” He looked really pleased about my invitation.

I turned the studio light off and walked the short distance with him to the university café.  We ended up having some great conversation.  It was nice to share some of my ideas with someone that got it.  He was funnier than I expected.  We had the same sense of humor, and found ourselves laughing until we cried.  If nothing else, I could sense the start of a good friendship.

It became routine for us to meet at the café every day after Isreal finished his classes, and I could barely keep my eyes open anymore from working crazy hours in the studio.  It was becoming the highlight of my day.  I never saw it coming.

“Are you going back to the studio tonight?” Isreal asked me one day as we finished up our food.

“I think so. I have a few more things to do to finish up one of my pieces.” I yawned and placed my hand over the aching pain in the back my neck.

He looked concerned.  “I think you should call it a night.  You look so tired.  Just take tonight off.” He urged me, wrapping his arm around my shoulder as we walked out of the café.

The prospect of rest was definitely tempting.  He was right. I was exhausted.  “Maybe you’re right. One night off can’t be that bad.”  I looked off in the direction of the studio, still second guessing it a little.

“Come on.” Isreal pulled me in the direction of the dorms.  “I’ll walk you to your dorm.”  He offered, and I was all out of rebuttals by then.  My body needed to rest.  So, I let him walk me to my room.

“Thanks Iz.” I said to him as I put my key in the door.

“You’re welcome.” Then, without warning, he lifted my chin and kissed me.

I was stunned.  My hands began to shake, causing me to drop my keys on the hallway floor.

The crashing sound seemed to snap Israel back to reality.  He ran his hand over his curly fro.  “I’m sorry Maya.  I don’t know what just happened.  I just…I like you.  I was getting a vibe like you might like me to.  I really…I don’t know why I did th…”

Something about his apologizing put me at ease, so I kissed him back mid-sentence.  He was right, there was a vibe.  When our lips finally parted, I looked him in his eyes and said goodnight before closing my door behind me. My mind was scattered all over for the rest of the night.  I couldn’t believe I was having these feelings for someone new.  Honestly, it felt like it was starting to heal the wounds that Vince left on my heart.  For the first night since then, I played mental images other than my cheating ex-boyfriend and best friend betraying me.  I couldn’t wait to see Israel again.

 

Chapter 3

            Summer weeks were flying by me and I was very proud of the progress I was making on my exhibit.  Israel and I hadn’t missed a beat either.  I spent a lot of late nights in his dorm with him and his roommate.  I wasn’t comfortable being alone with him in my dorm, since I wouldn’t have a roommate until fall.  I just wasn’t ready to take that step with someone new.  Even though my feelings for him were helping me get through the heartbreak, I was still healing.  I had to be really careful before I let someone in like that again.  I never imagined I would even be considering getting intimate with more than one man in my life, but I was learning that expectations very rarely lived up to reality.

I heard the familiar tap on the glass one night while I was working late in the art studio. Seeing his face lifted my spirits.  I had been working like a mad woman.  I just about skipped over to slide the door open and let him in. “Hey Iz!” I gave him a peck on the lips.  “I thought you were going to bed.”  I referred to the text he sent me a few hours ago.

“I couldn’t sleep. Plus, I figured you could use some company.”

“You’re right about that.  I need to take a little break.”  I pulled my paint stained apron over my neck and plopped down on the small couch in the corner of the room.

Israel sat down beside me.  “I brought snacks.” He swung his backpack off his shoulder and sat it in the small space between us.

I took the chips and apple juice bottle as he handed them to me.  I couldn’t help but blush.  “You pay attention.”  I commended him on remembering my favorite snacks.

“I do.” He smiled back, pleased with himself.

I took a sip of the apple juice before setting it down next to the chips on the table in front of the couch.  I wrapped my arm around Israel’s neck and pressed my cheek against his.  “Thank you!” I was happy with the small gesture.  It showed me he was thinking of me.

He laughed.  “That’s nothing.” He unwrapped my arm from his neck and took my hand in his. Then he moved the hair that had escaped my ponytail from my face.

I looked down at our hands clasped together.  Every little thing he did made me happy inside. I looked up at him, now staring at me.

He placed his lips on mine and parted my mouth with his tongue.  Before I knew it, he was lifting my shirt over my head. He scooped each of my breasts out of my bra and trailed his tongue from my mouth to my neck, and then to my breasts.  He massaged one nipple while gently sucking the other, and then rotated.

A thought in the back of my mind was telling me to stop him, but it wouldn’t come forward.  I couldn’t believe I was about to let this happen.  A moan of pleasure escaped me as he sucked on my neck and unzipped his pants.

He grabbed my hand and put it down his boxers.  I caressed him before sliding his boxers down enough to expose him.  He was fully erect and ready.

It was bigger than I had expected.  Way bigger than Vince’s.  A little fear mixed into my sheer desire to feel him inside of me.  I didn’t know if I could handle it.  I stroked him steadily with my hand as I continued letting my tongue roam his mouth.

He was now unbuttoning my pants.

The adrenaline that I got from watching my pants and panties slide down off my feet right there in the art studio was a feeling I’ll never forget.  Although it was unlikely at this hour, I feared we might get caught.  My curiosity and desire for him was stronger than the fear.  I threw caution to the wind and took a chance. I straddled him on the couch, kissing him more intensely now.  I pressed down on him and felt him slide into me.  It seemed like sex was even better than I had remembered, or it was just better with him I guess.  About 30 minutes later, I was climbing off him.  We sat on the couch with our legs still entangled, panting and coming down off of the ecstasy we had just exchanged.

The next morning, there was nothing on my mind but Israel.  Now that we were out of the heat of the moment, I was beginning to regret what we did.  I wondered what he thought about it.  Where were we supposed to go from here?  I had to reach out to him or I wouldn’t be able to focus on anything for the rest of the day.  So, I decided to text him.

Me: Hey.

Israel: What’s up?

Me: I’m finally awake.  I guess last night had me pretty tired.

Israel: J

Me: So, what does it mean?

Israel: What does what mean?

Me: What does it mean for us?  We have a good friendship, but we just crossed a line we can’t really come back from.  Is this the start of a relationship?

Israel: Idk.  I think we should just go with the flow.  I’m not really into titles.

I have to admit, I was disappointed.  I don’t know why I allowed him to get my hopes up.  I just couldn’t believe this was the game he was deciding to run on me.  Sure, we should have discussed this before we had sex, but for some reason I thought he had a little more respect for me.  Why did I let this happen?  I felt like such an idiot.  I responded with a simple ok. What else could I say?  The little self-esteem I had built back up just took a huge blow.  He had basically “friend-with-benefits zoned” me.  I just hoped he understood, that this wasn’t something I normally did.  I made an exception for him.

I had to get out of my head, so I got washed up and went straight to the studio.  I hated that it now reminded me of Israel. I tried to mentally resolve that I would never speak to him again, but my body betrayed me every time I recalled how and where he touched and kissed me last night.  It was fuel to my creative fire, and I got more done that night than any other night since I had started working on my exhibit.  It seemed I worked best when I needed to blow off steam.

That night, I invited Ruby and Brianna to come for the weekend and stay with me.  I was going to need the distraction.  Israel had been my only source of company this summer, and I couldn’t rely on him anymore.  I wanted to spend some time with my friends before they started school in a few weeks anyway.  Ruby would be in her senior year of High School and Brianna was attending State University with Joshua.  I wasn’t sure where Kennedi was going.  I didn’t care.  Nonetheless, it was going to be great to hang out with them again for the first time in a while, and get my mind off of things.

I almost knocked them over from pouncing on them when they arrived.  I was so happy to see them and show them what I had done so far.  They were just as excited to see me.  I took them to my dorm to drop off their bags.  Then we headed over to the café.  I immediately spotted Israel sitting at a table across the room.  We locked eyes, then quickly diverted them away from each other.

Ruby, who never missed a beat, noticed it. “Ok, what was that about?”  She asked, waving her pointer finger between me and the direction of Israel.

“Nothing.”  I wasn’t ready to get into that with them.  They knew that Israel and I were hanging out, but I hadn’t spilled the beans to them about what happened the other night.  Truthfully, I was a little embarrassed about it.  It didn’t mean anything anyway.  We had texted very short and dryly throughout the week, but the vibe was clearly off between us.

“You know you’re going to have to tell us eventually.” Brianna chimed in, after catching on to how I was avoiding Israel.

I rolled my eyes at them.  “I know. Just not right now.”  I walked over to the counter to place my order, dropping the subject behind me.

We ate and caught up on a lot of things.  Brianna let me know that Kennedi was attending the Performing Arts School she always wanted to go to for acting.  I personally didn’t feel like she needed any more training, based on the role she had been playing with me.  I brushed it off.

“Did you hear about Vince?”  Ruby asked me cautiously.

“What about him?”  I asked with little enthusiasm.

“He was injured in training camp.  He may not be able to play ball anymore.”

I dropped my knife in the middle of spreading butter on my bagel.  “Really? Who told you that?”  I couldn’t believe I even still cared.  As much as I hated him, I didn’t wish anything bad on him.  I knew how important basketball was to him.  The thought of reaching out to him crossed my mind, but I swiftly dismissed it.

“Josh told us.” Brianna answered.  “It just happened yesterday I guess.”

“That’s messed up.  I hope everything works out for him.”  I said genuinely, while still trying not to sound too concerned.

“Yeah, hopefully.  Anyway…are you really going to make us drag whatever this Israel stuff is out of you?”  Ruby asked, amid stuffing her mouth with pancakes.

I dropped my eyes.  “There’s nothing to tell really. We had sex, and he doesn’t like “titles”.”  I made air quotations with my fingers to let them know those were the words that came directly from his mouth.  I only gave them eye contact to figure out why they were so silent.

They were both looking at me like I had 3 heads.

Finally Brianna broke the silence. “What the hell? So you really just weren’t going to tell us what’s been going on huh?”

“What do you mean he doesn’t like titles?  You wanted to be in a relationship with him?”  Ruby seemed shocked.

I had sworn off of relationships after what happened with Vince.  I was so sure I wouldn’t get into one anytime soon, especially not while working on one of the most important opportunities of my life. “I don’t know.  I guess so.  It was all just so unexpected.” I sighed.  “I really liked him. I still do.”  My voice trailed off as I reluctantly admitted it.

“Oh, I see what this is. You’re sprung off the dick!”  Brianna took a sip of her juice and then nearly spit it back out laughing at herself.

I glared at her through slit eyes.

“Well…? Is that it? Was it good?”  Ruby reiterated.

“It was.” It pained me to say it.

“I wouldn’t worry about it too much girl.” Brianna reassured me.  “It was bound to happen.  Ya’ll were together every day, and from what you told me, you like each other.  Everything doesn’t have to be so serious.  I mean, you see how much the title helped your last relationship.”

She had a point.  I really didn’t want a relationship.  It was probably better that he was honest with me instead of just playing me the way my ex did.  “Maybe I should go talk to him.”  I exclaimed after silently thinking on it for a few seconds.  I was definitely missing spending time with him.

Israel was sitting at a table beside his roommate, showing him something on his phone when I approached them.  “Hey Maya. What’s up?” He asked in a cool tone when he noticed me.

“Hey, can I talk to you for a minute?” I motioned for him to step away with me so we could talk privately.

“Yeah.” He got up from the table and followed me outside.

I sat down on a bench in front of the café and waited for him to sit down with me. “We haven’t really talked in a minute.”  I started slowly to test the waters, before diving into the matter at hand.

“I know.  It seems like you’ve been avoiding me.”  He told me honestly.

“I was. I didn’t really understand how to move forward after what happened.”  I tried to be transparent as possible when I talked to him.

“I get it.  I didn’t mean any offense.  I’m just not ready to commit to anything right now.”  He looked at me with those stupid hazel eyes, reminding me of how he looked at me that night.

“That’s what I wanted to talk about.  I’ve never been in a situation like this, but I’ve been thinking that it’s probably better for me right now.  I’m not ready for another relationship either.  I want us to still be friends.  I’m sorry I was avoiding you.”  Even as I said it to him, I wasn’t fully convinced.  I knew I liked him more than I could really let on.

“Good. I missed you.” He turned to me and stretched his arms out for a hug.

I smiled.  It felt good to be back in his arms, even if I did have to suppress my feelings for him a little.  I thought to myself, with time it could end up being more than this.  For now, I still wanted the benefits.

 

Chapter 4

We did everything that people in relationships did except put a title on each other.  I was falling in love with Israel against my will.  The sex was amazing, our chemistry was great, and conversations were stimulating.  It was hard keeping this up, knowing he wanted to keep things casual.  Talk about mixed signals.

The day of my exhibition was quickly approaching and I was over the moon with excitement to show everyone how I brought everything together.  Everyone was coming, my family, best friends, mentors, media, and of course my classmates.  I just hoped everyone loved what I had done as much I did.  I had literally been nurturing this thing like it was my baby all summer.  Even with all my hard work, it was still unbelievable to see it all come to life.

I was moved to tears that night as I looked at the show room where all of my work was being exhibited.  It turned out better than I had ever dreamed it would.  I incorporated digital designs, contemporary sculpting, and several canvas paintings to tell the story I wanted to tell.  It was about me coming out of the bondage of everyone’s expectations for me in my strict household and gaining freedom of expression through my art, and in entering adulthood.

The positive feedback I got from my family and friends warmed my heart.  So many people came up to tell me how different pieces spoke to them in personal ways.  I did so many interviews that night.  I felt like a real famous artist.  It was all payback for the countless hours of hard work I put into this.  I sold every piece.  I was so eager to get the grand total, and find out what my profit was.  That meeting with the Dean was scheduled for next week.

I had one week of a real vacation before the fall semester got started.  Israel had already completed his classes for the semester, so we spent every waking minute together.  I was sure he was going to change his mind any day and ask me to be his girlfriend.  I tried not to press it, but it was becoming harder and harder for me.  I wanted the validation.  My 10% even turned out to be $25,000.00 that I, agreed along with my parents, should be put in a trust fund for me until I graduated.  It seemed like I was getting everything I wanted, and he was the one thing standing in the way.

Finally, the first day of the fall semester arrived.  The campus looked totally different with all of the students now shuffling around to classes, moving into dorms, and just socializing everywhere.  It was a lot less chill than what I had become accustomed to over the last few months.  Plus, I now had a roommate.  I was very curious to see how that was going to go.  I heard a key turning in the door and I knew the moment was finally upon me to meet her.

The door cracked open, and in walked a smiling mixed race girl.  I was pleasantly surprised.  I was expecting her to be white like the majority of the other students at this school.  Not that we wouldn’t have gotten along if she had been, I just assumed that things would at least be a little less awkward.

“Hi, I’m Tori Anderson.” She extended her hand to me.

“Hi Tori, I’m…”

“Maya Clark. I know.” She interrupted with a smile.  “I’m a fan.  I can’t believe we’re roommates.”

I was both flattered and flustered by her already knowing who I was.  “Wow! Thanks so much! It’s nice meeting you.”

I helped her with her bags and we chatted a while, exchanging basic knowledge about ourselves.  This didn’t seem like it was going to be bad at all.  I heard a knock at our door, so I got up from my bed to see who it was.  I was happy to see him when I opened the door.  I threw my arms around his neck.

“Hey! Come in and meet my roommate.”  I dragged him by the hand into the dorm to introduce them.  “This is Tori. Tori this is my friend…”

“Isreal!” Tori interrupted again.

Ok, it was fine the first time she did it I thought to myself.  Now, I was confused.  “You two know each other?”  I asked in total shock.

Israel just stood there looking like a deer in headlights.

“Yeah! Israel is my sister’s boyfriend!” She said smiling, totally unaware of the bomb she had just dropped on me.

Israel seemed incapable of closing his mouth as he looked at me blinking at the speed of light.  “You know what? I should go.”  He didn’t waste any time bolting for the door.

I was left there trying to register what the fuck had just happened.

“What was that about?” Tori was clueless.

I snapped out of my trance of a million questions and decided to get as much information out of Tori as I could before telling her what was really going on.  “I’m not sure.  You said he’s your sister’s boyfriend?”

“Yeah. High school sweetheart really.”  She said it as if she admired them.

“Really? Your sister went to South High School with Israel and I?”  I did the best I could to come off as normal while I figured out the rest of what I needed to know.

“No, we went to North.  Well, she still goes there.  She’s a high school senior this year.  She and Israel started dating when she was a freshman.  That girl loves her some him. They’re sickening.” She made a fake gagging face.

Meanwhile, I could have gagged for real.  I sat on my bed trying to process it all.  The “I don’t like titles” thing was an act this whole time because he already had a girlfriend.  The band aids Israel placed on my heart were being ripped away one by one with every sentence Tori uttered.  This was going to be an even more awkward year than my senior year was with Vince and Kennedi.  This girl was obviously going to want to visit her sister and boyfriend here on campus sometimes.  There was no way we could stay roommates.

“Are you ok?” Tori was starting to sense my disdain.

“Yeah.  I have to go.”  I threw on a hoodie, grabbed my purse and hauled it down the hallway.  I wasn’t even really sure where I was going.

My eyes welled up with tears, as I cut through all the students trying to find their dorms.  I still had access to the art studio.  Thank God it was empty when I made it there.  I locked the door behind me and cried my eyes out.  How didn’t I see this coming?  How was he so good at keeping this a secret?  I guess I didn’t even think it was possible because I made the mistake of trusting again.  I needed to get over this, and fast.  I scrolled through my contacts and stared at Vince’s number.  I had been wanting to reach out to him after hearing about his injury.  I couldn’t bring myself to do it because I didn’t feel he ever deserved to hear from me again, and even though I wasn’t obligated to, I didn’t do it out of respect for Israel.  I really thought we would end up getting serious.  The thought of it infuriated me.  I was always being good to these guys that didn’t deserve it.

Me: Hey Vince. It’s Maya. I heard you got hurt.  I hope you’re doing better.

I hit send without even thinking.  I don’t know what made me think speaking to him was going to help me to feel better.  I just wanted to speak to someone who at least wanted to commit to me at one point.  I knew he probably still wanted to.  Israel had had really turned the tables on me, and in some twisted way, this was my attempt at turning them back.  As pathetic as it was, I knew that if I got back in touch with Vince, it would make Israel wonder if I had been dealing with him the whole time.  I wanted him to know how he made me feel.

Almost instantly, my phone buzzed with a reply.

Vince: It’s so good hearing from you! Thanks for checking on me.  I’m doing a lot better now.  Still working through Physical therapy. Congrats on your exhibit!

I couldn’t help but smile.  I wasn’t sure at all where I was going with this, but it was good to be conversing with someone familiar.  It gave me a temporary feeling of control.

Part 3: What’s Done in the Dark – Chapter 1

The first semester seemed to be a blur.  I went to visit Vince a few times at his school and he came a few times to mine.  The vibe definitely wasn’t the same between us.  There seemed to be a permanent elephant in our presence that just wouldn’t allow me to rekindle any type of flame with him.  He tried to explain the situation with he and Kennedy, but that still wasn’t something I could easily sweep under the rug.  That betrayal would probably live with me forever to a certain extent.  Still for some reason, I tolerated him.  He was familiar.  I couldn’t stand the thought of trying something new, and being hurt yet again.  I liked that he was working so hard to gain back my trust, but the feeling just wasn’t the same.  The best thing for me to do would have been to spend some time alone, but that’s easier said than done.

I saw Israel around campus from time to time.  Surprisingly, no sight of the girlfriend yet.  I realized now that it was all calculated with him.  He was probably going to visit her and making up excuses about why she shouldn’t come visit him.  I was already seeing him hanging closely with a few other girls, and since I knew how he moved, I could tell which ones weren’t just innocent acquaintances.  It was only a matter of time before his girlfriend’s sister would catch wind of what he was doing, and invite her sister to visit.  I didn’t get why he just wouldn’t break up with her if he wanted to be free to see other people.  The world may never know.

I had to spend a week rooming with Tori before I was able to swap rooms.  I hated that I had to inconvenience myself like that all because of Israel’s dumb ass.  It seemed like she and I could have been cool if it weren’t for the circumstances.  Plus, I had been set up in that dorm since the summer.  I wanted to tell her about Israel and I, but it just never seemed like the right time.  We had opposite class schedules. So, most times we were just passing each other on the way in and out.  I didn’t want to come off as being spiteful, but I did feel like her sister deserved to know.  If the opportunity ever presented itself, I still planned to tell.  That’s what Israel was afraid of.  An apology from him would have been nice at the very least, but he was avoiding me like a bad habit.

My new roommate was what I originally expected Tori would have been.  She was an excessively tattooed, quiet, white girl named Jennifer.  We pretty much just stayed out of each other’s way.  She did her thing and I did mine.  The cool thing about this school was that everyone was studying an art form.  So, at least we could relate when it came to that at the bare minimum.  We were both really serious about our studies and perfecting our crafts.

I grabbed my books and laptop one Saturday morning and headed over to the student library.  My phone started vibrating as I walked out of the dorm into the hallway.  It was Vince calling again.  I ignored it for the third time and continued toward the library.  I found an empty cubicle where I could set up my things to study.  Again, my phone began vibrating.  I rolled my eyes knowing it was Vince again, and nearly hit the ignore button before realizing it was actually Josh calling me.

“Hello!”  I whispered into the phone, trying not to interrupt the other students around me.

“What’s up sis? Can you talk?”  Josh sounded excited about something.

“I’m in the Library.  Text me.”  I reluctantly hung up the phone after he agreed.  I hated that I couldn’t talk.  It sounded like Josh had good news to tell me.  It would have been a hassle to gather all of my things and go back outside to talk to him though.

Josh: Yo! Guess what?!

            Me: Tell me!!

            Josh: I’m starting in the game tomorrow night!

            Me: What?!?!?! That’s amazing! I’m proud of you bro!

            Josh: You have to come out! Brianna’s already here and Kennedi is coming. Come and bring Ruby with you!

            Me: Kennedi?? I haven’t seen her since…

            Josh: It’s about me for once! Just do it for me!

            Me: …ok. I’ll be there.  For YOU!

            Josh: See you tomorrow then! Can’t wait! J

Now my focus was all messed up.  I didn’t know what the energy would be like between Kennedi and me.  Part of me still felt so stabbed in the back by her, another part really missed her friendship.  I guess tomorrow we would finally find out if there was any chance for reconciliation between us.  I shook it off and got as much studying done as I could.

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Chapter 2

“Hey girl!” I excitedly squealed when Ruby ran out of the house and hopped in my car.

“You know Mom and Dad are going to be pissed they didn’t get to see you, right?” She reached over the armrest to hug me.

“I know. I’m hoping I’ll get to see them on the way back.  Nobody told them to stay after and volunteer at church.”  I smiled, put on my sunglasses, and backed out of the driveway.

“Do I look ok?  Is this good enough for a college game?”  Ruby checked her reflection in the passenger mirror.

“Today is the day Ruby! You need to tell Josh how you feel!”  I knew that was the only reason she was so concerned with her appearance.  It had been a while since she last saw him.

She slammed the mirror up.  “Are you crazy?” She looked at me with her eyes wild.

“Come on Ruby! You have had this little crush for way too long to not be acting on it.  You’ll never know unless you try.”  I urged her.

She sighed. “You really think I should say something?”

“Josh is a good guy.  You’ve known him forever.  He’ll be honest with you.”  I reassured her.  “Don’t think about it too much.”

She looked straight ahead in deep thought for a second before turning the volume up on a song that set the right tone for the day ahead.  We danced and sang out loud the whole way to the field.  I felt extremely good for the first time in a while.  Somehow I knew today was going to be a good one.

We pulled up to the school and went to meet Brianna and Kennedi in the bleachers where they were already seated.  The energy of the day felt so good, I had almost forgotten that I had to interact with Kennedi for the first time since what happened.

“Jump up and down or something!  I don’t see you!”  I yelled over the already rowdy crowd into the phone.

“There she is!”  Ruby pointed to a spot midway up in the bleachers where Brianna was dressed in the school colors of green and yellow doing jumping jacks in her true cheerleader form.

I saw Kennedi seated next to her with shades on, so I couldn’t really read her face.  I suddenly felt a knot in my stomach as we made our way up the bleachers.  Luckily, the game was about to start and there wasn’t time to say much more than hello.  Ruby and Brianna sat between us, which I’m sure was planned.

The music began blaring over the field as the announcer introduced the starting players.  We all lost it when they called out Josh’s name and he ran out.  I wouldn’t be surprised if he heard us over the crowd.  His brothers and Mom were there closer to the front cheering him on as well.  The game was intense.  Josh was playing his heart out.  He had really earned his spot out there.  The team looked great.

By half-time Josh’s team was leading by 7.  The school band and majorettes took to the field for their half-time performance and had the crowd on their feet the entire time.  I must say, I was having more fun than I had in a very long time.  I could tell the girls were enjoying themselves too, especially Ruby, who was already nearly horse from cheering Josh on.  She would look up and roll her eyes at any other girls she heard scream out his name or cheer any louder than her.  I thought it was hilarious, and really hoped she’d take the advice I gave her on the way up.

You could hear a pin drop in the final seconds of the 4^th quarter.  The score was tied and Josh was running toward the end zone to catch a pass that would win the game.  He shook off all the players attempting to tackle him, jumped up, and caught the ball.  I let out the breath I was holding in anticipation, and immediately went wild with excitement along with the rest of the crowd.  I couldn’t have been happier for my friend.  He had just made his mark on his team and at his school.  It was the first of many big games for him.

The guys all ran to the center of the field, jumping and giving Josh chest bumps of approval.  We all recorded to post it to our social media.  The energy was as electric as I thought it would be.  All of our adrenaline was pumping, so much that it temporarily relieved the tension between Kennedi and me.  I turned my camera to face all of us and was too caught up in the moment to notice Kennedi was in the shot dancing and cheering.

We were waiting outside in the parking lot for Josh to come out, when Kennedi pulled me to the side.  I had never dreaded anything more than having this conversation with her.

“It’s really good seeing you today.  I’ve missed you so much.  I just want you to know that even though things may never be the same between us, I really do apologize from the bottom of my heart.”  Kennedi placed her hand on her chest to emphasize her sincerity.

She seemed to be genuinely remorseful, just as Vince did.  Honestly, if I had to choose between the two of them, I definitely missed her way more than I missed him.  I had been avoiding him because I just came to the conclusion that all of my feelings for him were a lost cause.  I stared into Kennedi’s eyes searching for something that could make me trust her again, or at the very least, accept her apology.

“Look Kennedi, I’m not going to say that I haven’t missed you too.  I just don’t think you fully understand how bad you hurt me.  I’m not ready to be friends again, but I want you to know that I’ve forgiven you.  Let’s just try to put it behind us.”  I told her honestly.

Kennedi reluctantly nodded, knowing she didn’t have a choice but to go about this on my terms.  We walked back toward Brianna and Ruby, who pretended like they weren’t just trying their best to read our lips.

“So…are we cool?”  Brianna asked awkwardly.

“Yeah, we’re cool.”  I said nonchalantly, giving Kennedi a little smirk with some hope attached to it.

Josh came running toward us right in time to break up the tension.  We all took turns hugging him.  He soaked up all of our praise.

“Thanks for coming y’all!”  I could tell he was on cloud 9.  He must have felt the way I did the night of my exhibit.

“Where is the celebration?” Kennedi asked what we were all thinking.

“They’re putting together something in upperclassmen apartments for us now!  Come on! Let’s go!”  Josh led the way back to his dorms.

Girls stopped in their tracks all up and down the halls of the dorms to give Josh attention and congratulate him on the game.  It was clear he was a hot commodity on Campus.  I looked at Ruby to try to read her feelings about it, but she was seemingly keeping her cool a lot better than she was able to during the game.  I put my arm around her and squeezed her shoulder to let her know without saying that I was proud of her.  She just looked at me and smiled with a confidence that I hadn’t seen from her when it came to Josh.  I could tell she was ready to profess her feelings to him.

When we finally made it to Josh’s dorm, we were all shocked to find a brown skinned red head girl leap from his bed to wrap her arms around him.

“Miranda what are you doing here?!  I thought you said you couldn’t make it!”  Josh wrapped his arms around her waist and lifted her up off the ground.

Oh shit. I thought to myself.  My heart dropped for Ruby.

Josh broke his embrace with the girl and turned to us. “Guys, this is my girlfriend Miranda!”

“GIRLFRIEND?!” We all said in unison, like a cliffhanger before the commercial break of a sitcom.  None of us had heard anything about this girl.  Not even Brianna, and she went to school with him.  We were all taken aback, but Ruby was visibly shaken by this unexpected introduction.

“Hi! I’m Brianna!”  She smiled and reached out to shake Miranda’s hand to break the awkward silence.

“Hi Brianna!” Miranda smiled brightly. “You must be Maya!” She looked directly at me before shaking my hand.  “Josh told me all about your art exhibit. Congratulations!”

I couldn’t help but smile and thank her.  She seemed like a very sweet girl. So far, I couldn’t find anything to dislike about her.

“I see the resemblance here, so you must be her sister Ruby!” Her smile was met by Ruby’s blank stare.

I nudged her to snap her out of her daze.

“Oh right! I’m Ruby. Nice to meet you.” She managed to say very dryly and give Miranda a weak handshake.

“So, you’re Kennedi of course!” She was pleased with herself for correctly guessing who each of us were.

I couldn’t help but wish Josh would have given us some type of heads up about this.  We never kept this type of stuff from each other.  I was shocked he was even claiming this girl.  He rarely got serious with anyone.  I could see why he liked her though.  She was definitely his type; about 5’5, really curvy, medium brown skin, and a pretty face.  I felt for my sister, but I knew she would be okay.  She was beautiful, and maybe it was time for her to move on from her fantasy about Josh once and for all.

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Chapter 3

We all walked over from the East dorm where Josh lived to the West dorm where most of the upperclassmen lived and where the celebration was taking place.  These apartments were a lot larger, and a roommate wasn’t mandatory like it was for freshmen.  From what I was seeing, there was way too much potential around for Ruby to be worrying about Josh.  I tried pointing out some guys to cheer her up.  She wasn’t entertaining it at all at first, but she eventually started to loosen up.

There was one guy in particular that stood out to me.  He was over 6 feet, darker skinned, and very handsome.  We kept catching eye contact before he and his friend came over to talk to Ruby and me.

“Y’all friends of Josh’s?”  His friend asked us.

“She is.” Ruby said, being petty about what we had just found out.

“Yeah! He’s one of my best friends.  We go way back.”  I said through a little snicker I couldn’t hold in from what Ruby had just said.

“Cool. I’m Shaun.  This is my cousin Anthony.”  The tall, dark guy told us.

“I’m Maya.  This is my sister Ruby.”  We all shook hands.

Anthony was handsome too.  I hoped enough to get Ruby’s mind off of Josh and Miranda, at least for the night.  I wanted us to have a good time.

“So where do you guys go to school?”  Shaun continued the conversation.

“I’m a freshmen at AIU. Ruby is…”

“I’m a freshmen at Tech State.” Ruby interrupted me before I could tell them that she was a senior in high school.

I gave her a look, but played it off.  I wasn’t sure why she felt the need to lie about her age, but I was going to let her live.  I figured it was her way of escaping her feelings in the moment, and being someone else.

“I’m actually thirsty.  Do you know where the drinks are in here?”  I directed my question to Shaun to initiate separation from Ruby and Anthony.  I didn’t want to blow her cover.

“Sure, I’ll take you to get one.  Just follow me.”  Shaun directed me to the kitchen where a drink table full of alcoholic and non-alcoholic beverages were set up. “You drink?”  Shaun asked me.

I only drank wine from time to time.  I had never really had any hard liquor, since technically, I wasn’t old enough to partake.  I felt different tonight though.  If Ruby could lie about being a college student, then why couldn’t I let my hair down a little too?  I told myself I wouldn’t go too crazy.  “Yeah, I do.” I told him.

“Cool.” He mixed some vodka and soda in a red cup and handed it to me.

“Thank you.”  I was afraid to drink it in front of him.  I didn’t know if I would give myself away based on whether I liked how it tasted or not.  So, I continued our conversation instead.  “You go to school here?”

“Yeah.  I’m a junior here.” He leaned back on the wall as he talked to me.  “Will you be up here visiting with Josh a lot?” He asked me.

“Probably.” I smirked, picking up his hint that he wanted to see more of me.  “He comes to visit with me from time to time too.” I added. “You guys friends?”

“Yeah.  He’s Ant’s dorm mate, so we’re pretty cool.”

When he said that, I knew Ruby’s role play would be short lived.  It was only a matter of time before her age came up in conversation between Josh and Anthony.  It was possible that she’d never even see him again after tonight though, so it wasn’t a big deal.

“Take my number down so you can let me know when you’re here.”  He told me.

I took my phone from my purse and saved him as a contact. “Ok, I’ll let you know.”  I smiled and walked over to Brianna while taking a drink from the cup.  It was disgusting like I expected it to be, but I could tolerate it.

“What’s wrong with you? What did he do?”  Brianna asked when she saw my sour face from the taste of the drink.

I busted out laughing at the fact that she thought Shaun did something to make me react that way.  “There’s alcohol in here.”  I leaned over to whisper in her ear.

“Who are you?  Where is my uptight ass friend Maya?”  She joked.

I laughed.  “Shut up! It’s a celebration right?  Why not live a little?”  I justified my judgement.

“Ok! Just don’t overdo it.”  She warned me.  “That guy was fine you were talking to though.  You got his number?”

“Yeah, he was cool.” Just as I uttered the words, my phone vibrated with another call from Vince.  I rolled my eyes and ignored it as I had been doing over the last couple of days.  I was hoping he’d just get the message that whatever we had was over.  I just couldn’t get back to a good space with him.  Like I told Kennedi earlier, I just wanted to put that whole thing behind me.

We partied all night.  I drank a little more, and really wasn’t feeling any different until it hit me all at once.  Suddenly, all of my inhibitions were gone and I was having the time of my life.  Everyone was so shocked that I wasn’t being a wallflower like I usually did.

“Ok.  I think I like the drunk Maya.” Ruby told me after I was done dancing with some guy.  “I don’t think you can drive us home tonight though.”

She made a point that I hadn’t even really considered.  She could drive us, but I didn’t want my parents to know I had been drinking.  I wouldn’t be able to drive back to school after dropping her off.

“You have to take Ruby home!”  I blurted out to Josh who just happened to be walking by at the moment.

“What happened?” He asked, being unaware of my current condition.

“I can’t drive. I’ve been drinking.” I told him.

“Well I can see that now.”  He said sarcastically after catching on to my unusual mannerisms.  “My girl was going to stay the night though.  I can’t leave her.”

“Seriously?  Nobody cares…”

“We’ll figure it out.”  Ruby cut me off to save me from my mouth that had no filter at the moment.  She yanked me by the hand out of earshot from Josh who was left looking confused.

“Brianna!” Ruby called out to her.

She came over to us with Kennedi walking closely behind her.

“Can you take me home?  I don’t think Maya should drive.”

“I mean I still have to drop Kennedi back at school.  That would be way on the other side of town, and I have early classes tomorrow.”

“What’s wrong?”  Shaun walked by and saw us all standing in a concerned huddle.

“Nothing, we’re just trying to get Ruby a ride home since I’ve been drinking.” I filled him in.

“Are you staying here?”  He asked me.

I hadn’t thought that far into the plan yet. “I don’t know.”

“What happened?”  Anthony now walked up to see what we were talking about.

“Ruby needs a ride home.” Shaun caught him up.

“Home?  You don’t live on campus?” Anthony looked confused.

Ruby rolled her eyes.  “Not this semester.”

“Well, I can take you.”  He offered.

“We’ll ride with you.”  Shaun offered for us to accompany them.

“I’ll come back here with you guys? I can’t leave my car.”  I said, trying to cross all the t’s in this plan.

“I’ll stay with my girl, you can stay in my dorm, and Ant can stay at Shaun’s apartment for tonight.”  Josh stated as he stood by with Miranda.  “Is that cool?”  He asked, handing me the key to his dorm.  He knew I didn’t have much other choice.  I would have just stayed with Brianna again, but I already told her I was never sharing that little bed with her again.  I only stayed with her when her roommate was away.

I was seriously reconsidering my decision to drink tonight.  I knew Josh wouldn’t leave Ruby and I in the care of anyone he didn’t trust though.  So, I went along with it.  Ruby was annoyed that Josh was so willing to pawn us off to his friends, but I knew she’d be ok.  Hopefully Anthony could take her mind off of things for the time being.  We all said our goodbye’s and went our separate ways.

Anthony opened his passenger door for Ruby to get in.  Shaun did the same for me in the backseat before climbing in on the other side beside me.  Shaun and I were still kind of wired from the drinks.  Ruby and Ant took a while to warm up to each other and start a conversation.

“So what’s your major?” Shaun asked me.

“Fine/Studio Arts.” I told him. “What’s yours?”

“Finance.”

I yawned.  The drinks were starting to make me feel sleepy.

“That’s boring to you?”  Shaun joked with me.

I laughed.  “No, not at all.  I’m just getting tired.” I said through another yawn.

He reached his hand around my waist and pulled me closer to him.  “You can lay on me.”

I looked at him, shocked, yet impressed with his forward move.  I didn’t argue.  I laid my head on his shoulder.  It honestly felt nice laying on strong arms.  He was a lot more muscular than what I was used to.  He smelled good too.  I fell asleep on him easily the rest of the way to the house.

After we dropped Ruby off, he stayed in the backseat with me.  He was obviously enjoying the intimacy as much as I was.  There was definitely some chemistry between us, but I had no intention on opening up to anyone the way I did in the past.  I wasn’t ready to be hurt again.  It was terrible that I even felt like anyone I opened up to would hurt me, but that was where I was in my process of healing.  I was interested to see how this would develop, or if it even would at all.

We made it back to the campus.  Shaun and Ant walked with me over to Josh’s dorm.

“It was nice napping with you.”  Shaun said in his deep baritone.

I smiled. “Thanks.  I enjoyed it.” I said, climbing into Josh’s bed fully dressed, eyes already beginning to close.

Shaun leaned down and kissed my forehead.  “I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”  He told me before following Ant out the door, who had been in the bathroom grabbing what he needed to stay over at his dorm.

I couldn’t believe he didn’t try to stay and take advantage of me in my vulnerable state.  I was impressed.  I smiled and drifted off to sleep.

–

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Chapter 4

It had been a week since meeting Shaun at the game, and we talked and texted every day since then.  I had to admit it.  I liked him.  I was starting to look forward to his calls and texts.  It was all easy with him.  It felt like we were becoming good friends more than anything.  I didn’t necessarily get chills at the sound of his voice, but he kept me smiling.

Finally we were approaching thanksgiving break, and I was hoping I’d get to see him.  We had only seen each other maybe twice since our initial meeting.  That was one thing about him that raised a bit of a red flag for me.  He always had something planned with his friends when I suggested for us to get together.  He had yet to invite me to an event.  His excuse was that a lot of the stuff had already been planned far in advance.

I was surprised when he asked about my plans for the break.  He and I were both done with finals and free for the beginning of the week before we went home.  He asked me to come stay with him on campus since his roommate was leaving to go home early.  I felt fine with doing that because if I felt like anything was off, I could just go hang with Josh and Brianna.

This was our first time planning anything over night together.  I was a little nervous about it. I liked him, but I still wasn’t ready to take it there with someone new.  I let Josh know that I was coming to visit with Shaun, but didn’t want to be up under him the whole time.  He understood, and told me to just call him when I was ready.

“Hey Maya.” Shaun greeted me in the lobby with a big hug and a kiss on the cheek.

A few girls walked by looking a little harder than I was comfortable with.  It made me wonder if one of them had been involved with Shaun in the past, or if they just wanted to be.  He seemed to be popular enough at the school.  Most good looking guys are, so that was a no-brainer.  I shook out of my suspicious thoughts to reciprocate his enthusiastic greeting.

He carried my little duffle bag for me as we took the elevator up to his apartment.  The place was very clean.  It was way cleaner than I had seen most guys keep their place.  He even had it smelling nice like candles had been burning before I arrived.

“It’s clean how I like it in here for a change.”  He said, as if he’d read my mind.  “My roommate usually keeps it a mess in here.”  He set my bag down in his room.

“I’m impressed.” I admitted to him.  “So what’s on the agenda?”  I sat down on his bed.

“I just wanted to spend some time with you.  We can do whatever you want to do.”  He laid down beside me on his bed.

“Well what do you usually do when I’m not here?”  I stretched out on the bed, and propped my elbow on his pillow to rest my head on my fist.

“I don’t know.  Study, hang with my friends, eat…regular stuff.”  He looked over at me, and pulled my neck down to kiss his lips.  Spontaneity was his thing.

I couldn’t say that I didn’t like it.

“I’m sorry.” He laughed.  “You just give me a feeling.  I couldn’t help it.”

“It’s ok.”  I assured him.

“It is?”  He asked, right before leaning in to kiss me again.

It seemed like we were kissing forever.  I had never kissed anyone that long without it going further.  I liked it though.  I liked how Shaun assumed control, but allowed me to set the pace.  There didn’t seem to be any rush with him like there was with the other guys I dealt with.

Over the next couple of days, we spent time really getting to know each other.  I met some of his friends.  We talked about our career plans and family.  I even told him about my past relationships, or “experiences” with guys and why it made me really apprehensive about starting another relationship.

“I hope you give me a fair chance.” He said after telling him about how I had become a little bitter.

“What do you mean?” I was caught off-guard.

“I’m not them.  I don’t have any intentions on hurting you.  I hope you give me the chance to show you that, instead of making me pay for how they treated you.”

His words were sharp with accuracy.  Although I still planned on proceeding with caution, he was right.  I couldn’t let what they did to me cause me to miss out on a potentially great relationship with a great guy.  “So, what are you saying?”  I asked, looking for further validation.

“I’m saying, I’m not seeing anyone else.  I like you, and I want us to continue getting to know each other exclusively.”  He said it with such confidence.

“Did you just ask me to “go steady”?  I tried to lighten the weight of the conversation with a joke.

He laughed.  “I guess you can put it like that.”

I was silent for a moment, trying to determine if I was really ready for it.  I did like him a lot.  He was going to have to make more time for me than he had over these last couple of months, but he was right, I could level the playing field and at least give him a fair shot.

“Ok. We can do that.”  I told him, once I had decided on it.

“Yeah?” He leaned in to kiss me in the way I was becoming accustomed to, but with a deeper intensity this time.

It was my last day here, and I knew what he was thinking.  Like always, I was hesitant about it, but I went with the flow.  At least we had taken the time to set the expectation before we took this step.  He had been very patient with me.

He started undressing me.  Not that there was much to take off.  I was wearing shorts and a sports bra.  He was shirtless, exposing his chiseled arms and abs.  I felt his erection through the thin fabric of his basketball shorts, and the adrenaline that started pumping through me had me wondering how we waited this long.  I traced his abs with my tongue as he laid back to remove his shorts and boxers.  He pulled me on top of him and started sucking my breasts with the perfect amount of licking and suction.  It sent chills through my whole body, and had me dripping wet, ready for him.

He slid inside of me and groaned with pleasure, as he started working his hips.  Shockwaves were jolting through my body with every stroke.  It was amazing.  We changed positions a few times before he put my legs over his shoulders, put his head between my legs, and gave me my first oral experience.  After a few minutes he laid on his back for me to return the favor.  I had no idea what I was doing.  I had no experience in this department.  I just did what seemed right, and it must have been ok, because moments later he was climaxing in my mouth.  I tried not to look like a deer stuck in headlights.  I didn’t want to make the face I made after drinking for the first time that night.  I just got up and bolted to the bathroom to spit it out.  I didn’t like the taste at all.

Shaun didn’t seem to care or notice.  He just laid on the bed trying to catch his breath, apparently pleased with our first time.  My mind was going haywire.  I couldn’t believe I had just given him head, and I especially couldn’t believe we’d just had sex unprotected.  It was most certainly a different sensation.  What was I thinking? I wasn’t thinking much at all apparently.  It’s crazy how you can get so caught up in a moment.

Shaun came into the bathroom where I was rinsing my mouth in the sink and slapped me on my butt, licking his lips.  He spun me around and kissed me again deeply, showing his appreciation.  I returned his sentiment, but my brain was still going a mile a minute.  At least I knew I wasn’t pregnant.  I couldn’t believe that was something that even had to cross my mind.  We had to be more careful from here on out.  I couldn’t take that chance again.  I didn’t want to ruin the mood though, so I didn’t bring it up to him yet.

“Hey! I’m going to run over to Gabe’s and watch the game a little bit later if that’s cool.”  Shaun told me, as he stood at the sink naked, brushing his teeth.

It was my last night with him before we went home for Thanksgiving, and we had just shared a super intimate experience for the first time.  I didn’t want to come off as clingy though, so I told him it was cool.  I hadn’t really seen Josh or Brianna since I’d been there anyway.  So, I figured I’d take the opportunity to go chill with them.

Shaun didn’t come in until about 3 that morning, and I was upset about it.  I had to get up at 7 AM to head home and start helping with the cooking.  I didn’t say anything about it.  I just pretended to be asleep, even though he didn’t even bother trying to wake me.

“You looked like you were sleeping so good.  I didn’t want to wake you.”  Shaun told me, when I asked.

I rolled my eyes.  “Too bad we couldn’t spend my last night here together.”  I sighed, letting him know I was disappointed.

“I’m sorry.  I’ll make it up to you, ok?”  He kissed me on the forehead, and softened me a little.

I hated that I couldn’t stay mad at him.  “You better.”  I said, before kissing him and leaving to head home.

–

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Chapter 5

Freshmen year blew pass as fast as it came in.  Shaun and I were still going strong.  I never thought that night we met at the party, that we would end up in such a serious relationship.  He definitely liked his space, and still blew me off more than I would have liked him to, to hang with Gabe and some of his other friends, but the time that we did spend together was always great.  It gave me a lot of time to spend with my own friends too.  I liked that we had our separate lives, but everyone knew we were together.

I wanted to do something nice for Shaun since his birthday was coming up.  I planned on spending a lot of time on campus with him, since he was taking some summer classes, and I was taking the summer semester off.  I linked up with Anthony and Josh to help me set everything up.  Anthony talked to Randy, Shaun’s roommate, so we could go and set up their apartment to surprise Shaun when he got home from class.

“What’s up?”  Anthony greeted me when he came down to help me get the party stuff out of the car.  Randy gave him a spare key to the apartment so that we could go set up since he wasn’t going to be in town.  We had about 3 hours to hurry up and get it set up based on when Shaun told he would be back home from class.  Josh was going to come help when he was done with practice.

“You think he’ll really be surprised?”  I asked Ant.  I was starting to get anxious wondering about how he would react.  I was just hoping he would like everything.

“Oh yea, for sure! He doesn’t have a clue.  I haven’t even called him to say happy birthday yet.” He assured me.

“Me either.”  I smiled.  He probably thought we had all forgotten about him. “Look what I got him.”  I pulled a box from my messenger bag.

“Damn! He’s going to love that!”  Ant praised.

“I hope so! His is so outdated, and I know he really needs it for school.”  I said, referring to the new iPad I had decided to gift him.

We made our first trip up the elevator with party bags in tow.  We were probably going to have to do at least 2 more trips to get everything upstairs.

I was so excited to get started.  Ant unlocked the apartment door, and let me go in first.

I dropped everything I was holding when I entered the living room and saw what was happening on the living room couch.  My mind couldn’t even register what my eyes were seeing.  Shaun was sitting on the couch naked, with his dick in someone’s mouth.  I was disgusted.

“What is it?” Ant asked, knowing something was wrong.  He was just as horrified when he turned the corner and saw what I saw.

“Man, what the fuck y’all niggas in here doing?!” He yelled at them.

Shaun pushed Gabe’s head out of his lap, looking like he had just seen a ghost.  He ran to his room, I assumed to put some pants on.

Gabe grabbed his shirt off the floor, and scrambled to get it on.  “I should go.” He said before grabbing his keys off the kitchen table and wasting no time running out the door.

“Yeah, get your gay ass out of here!”  Ant yelled after him.

I was still frozen in the same place I was in when I first saw it.  It was like I was watching a bizarre scene play out in front of me that just didn’t make any sense.  I didn’t shed a tear, I didn’t say a word, I still couldn’t move.

“Maya, are you ok?”  Anthony touched my shoulder, and the contact seemed to snap me back into reality.  Then, the questions started to flood my brain. I had so many.

So Shaun was gay this whole time?  Was he only pretending to like women?  Did he like men and women?  Were he and Gabe in a relationship?  Was it just oral, or were they having anal sex with each other?  Oh my God…did this nigga give me something?  So, that’s why he could only orgasm from head?  That’s why he was always cancelling our plans to hang with Gabe?

As soon as I could think one thought, another one was popping into my mind.  I was literally stunned.

Shaun finally came back out of his room.  “Look…it’s not what you think!”

I couldn’t believe that was all he could come up with to say.  We had already seen what it was with our own eyes.  How could he possibly think he was going to spin this?

“Look man.  I don’t need no explanation.  I don’t want to know nothin’ about all that.  You need to talk to Maya.  Just know you foul for that shit.”  Ant turned for the door, as if he was going to leave Shaun and me alone to talk.

“I don’t have anything to say to you.”  Those were the first and only words I could bring myself to say before leaving the apartment.  I left everything I had bought for the party right where it was.  I never would have guessed I would be the one getting the surprise of a lifetime that day.

I went out to my car and immediately broke down.  I let out scream that was pinned up inside of me, and beat the life out of my steering wheel like I thought it was Shaun.  I felt like an idiot, plus alone, scared, and betrayed yet again.  Every time I thought I had been humiliated in the worst way, the next guy would top the last one.  I was beginning to think my love life was cursed.  It just didn’t make sense why these things kept happening to me.

I was more concerned about my sexual health than I was anything else.  How could he put my life in danger like that?  Any little trust or faith I had built back up in a healthy relationship, was now shattered.  I collected my emotions enough to call my doctor and make an appointment to be tested the next day.  Of course, I had been tested before, but knowing that Shaun had put me at a high risk to contract something that could possibly change the quality and duration of my life was one of the scariest things I had ever experienced.

Shaun: Maya, please talk to me.  I’m not gay.  That was the first time anything like that ever happened. It was a dumb mistake.  All I want is you.

Me: After everything I shared with you about my past relationships, and my fears of getting into a new one, you still went and did something like this.  You put my life on the line.  Please stop the act and never contact me ever again.

I meant every word I texted.  I could have lashed out and called him all types of homosexual slurs, and blasted his business to everyone we knew, but I didn’t.  It wasn’t about protecting him, it was about protecting me.  I was emotionally scarred and becoming more numb than I had ever been.

The next day at the clinic, I got a rapid test done and tested negative for everything.  I felt so relieved that I didn’t need to worry about that part any more.  There was no way I was ever going to let a guy talk me into having sex unprotected again after that scare.  Truthfully, there wasn’t much a guy was going to be able to say to convince of anything at all.  I was officially all out of chances to give.